speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
