I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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