he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
