Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
