ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
