If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
