Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
