i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
