you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
