And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
