try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
