Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
