Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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