Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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