why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
