at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
