WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
