end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
