Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
