you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize