It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
