mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
