ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
