I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
