Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
