So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
