glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
