All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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