I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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