Will you blow on my dice?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think people are normalizing furries
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
