I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
