She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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