we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
