Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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