I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
