i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
