I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
