i just google imaged poop.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
