"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
