Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
