I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
