I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
