also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
