not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
