my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
