we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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