READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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