Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
