I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
