ADVERTISEMENT

• (906): View more from Michigan

  didnt we say no more talking to eachother

  (906): View more from Michigan

  it will help you get over me i promise

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  im horny

  (906): View more from Michigan

  ok i will unlock the door

  Fav 16 2991 973

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"

  Fav 27 6841 2378

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (269): View more from Michigan

  You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous

  (269): View more from Michigan

  If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.

  Fav 17 6737 1071

  share tweet
  

• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.

  Fav 15 4249 1409

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself

  Fav 8 2938 848

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning

  Fav 4 1199 2846

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (802): View more from Vermont

  i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face

  Fav 6 977 1941

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep

  Fav 3 1122 888

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy

  Fav 7 707 941

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  Why can't burritos get me drunk

  Fav 1 689 416

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.

  Fav 3 85 10

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (406): View more from Montana

  There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk

  Fav 1 102 7

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.

  Fav 0 50 24

  share tweet
  

• (470): View more from Georgia

  I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K

  Fav 1 5 26

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong

  Fav 0 25 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize