I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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