YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
