Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
