He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize