I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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