I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
