im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
