Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
