I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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