No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
