Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
