I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't deserve a penis
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
