Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We smell like vodka and hangover
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