good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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