I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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