i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize