there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
