weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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