remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
